Oprah's Giant Cartoon Pickle Child

"With a title like that, it's gotsta be good!"

So yesterday Pocket and I went to Mervyns to purchase some odds and ends and I found this amazingly soft but hideous lime green body pillow for half off. I officially can't sleep on my back anymore and my doctor had told me to get a few body pillows and see how those work. So I bought this long, electric green pillow (that will not match any of my home decor) and hunkered down for the night.

As I drifted off to sleep, all of a sudden I was in a college auditorium and the professor was Oprah Winfrey. I'm furiously taking notes when she introduces the class to her son. "Why, I didn't know that Oprah had any kids!" i thought to myself.

And her son comes out and is a 7 foot tall cartoon pickle that had cartoon bandaids all over his face. He was lime green and kind of dancing around the room. All of a sudden this pickle be talking trash to me. So I get up and start trying to karate chop the pickle but he was too strong. And he kept loudly saying "BEWARE 9-8-08!! BEWARE 9-8-08!!" (very Julius Caesar, don't you think?)

And I said to the pickle "Shut up you dumb ass Pickle. You got it wrong! My birthday is 9-7-08!" and then he kept trying to kick me with his cartoon legs.

I woke up totally freaked out, all curled around my new green (pickle green?) body pillow. Never in all my life have I been deathly afraid of a pickle and I think i might need to find a new pillowcase.